she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He better not be in your backpack
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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