i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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