Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
