you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
