What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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