You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
