24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
