I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
