Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
