I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
