i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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