id be glad to
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
