When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize