Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
