i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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