my soul wont recognize me after tonight
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
