So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
