Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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