Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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