They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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