That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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