If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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