All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want a musical about memes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
