He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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