My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
