I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
