this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he thought i was a dude.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
