Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
do nipples grow back?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
