Will you blow on my dice?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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