he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
