I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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