The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
