just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
