So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
