Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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