I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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