SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
