Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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