She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
