I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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