my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
