Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
