I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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