Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
