it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
