Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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