You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize