last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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