I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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