she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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