"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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