The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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