cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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