I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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