You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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