They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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