I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
