I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
