I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
