it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
