Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
