I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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