Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
