Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
