So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
