I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
