Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
