why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
