Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
