so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
